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Friday, April 22nd, 2011

Keep it simple. Easy to do? Not for me. Everything is always complicated. Tangled. Gut-wrenching. Even the uneventful days leave me feeling tossed and torn when all I want is joy. To be steadfast. Constant. Unwavering. But when I look in, I waver. I withdraw and sink lower in my troubles. If I look out, I feel even worse. Comparing oranges to oranges doesn’t get you very far especially when the oranges you already have are much more than you deserve. Comparison is not a woman’s friend. All it gives is more of the discontentment I try to dig out. But if I look up…the glory can swallow me up and wonder can fill up the cavernous space inside. Swallow me whole, please, Glorious One. I rather like my limbs.

A shift is happening. A settling and surrender. I’ve spent the last week washing the walls of my home. That’s newsworthy in itself, since I haven’t ever done that task in my life. In all my scrubbing, I think of smudges and how much they scare me. Not the wall smudges…those are no match for the magical Magic Eraser. But the life-smudges. The things that have happened, or might happen, that are irreversible or out of my control. I’m quite aware that I’m a speck, and there are innumerable things that could send my little speck flying into the black abyss. Where is my comfort? Where is my certainty? Not within myself, for sure. Inside the will of the Lord, there is safety. Sometimes the smudges (or possible smudges) we see are His strokes on an incomplete masterpiece. His canvases are always full of color and good things. And even when the smudges are not His, He has a way of making them beautiful or washing them clean, much like my walls. Some things are not for me to know right now, but I am always invited to know HIM. To be with Him. To wait for Him. To worship Him. And so I shall, with open eyes and heart, wait for the wonder He will make of my smudges.

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Wednesday, April 13th, 2011

Rhythmic pin over whole wheat cakes, spreading them thinner with each stroke. Laughter dances through the house with my children, and the simplicity of life settles on hearts in the quietness between giggles. I never knew the inside things would be the ones to broaden my horizons, to offer new and radically different perspectives. Solitude, in the family sense, wasn’t really what I had in mind before I was a bride. But here I am, inside. With little grubby hands and wide sparkling eyes. I hardly remember life before motherhood.

They say its like a jungle out there, but I know – moms know – it is a jungle in here too. Joyful little monkeys swinging from vine to branch (or cushion to cushion) wild, without any thought of consequence. Their exuberance keeps me young. Not that I’m old yet, but some days I feel it. It is impossible to behold and truly appreciate the wonder of youth without being touched by it. I am touched and rejuvenated, and still very aware of my responsibility to grow them strong, wise, ready for the out-there jungle.

Tortillas rolled out, I am spread thin and rough around the edges. Spread thin to hold more. Spread thin for the flexibility to roll with the jungle in here. And I am at peace with being rough around the edges. The most interesting people I know are the quirky ones…The ones who understand that the way to squeeze the most out of life is to live without care to how perfect the edges are. Risks taken. Lungs filled. Soul stirred. Edges frayed from being in the game, not checked out of it. I’m in. I’m in deep, and I love it that way.

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Sunday, April 10th, 2011

Some words stand out when I hear them. Beacons in the sea of noise and busy. Like instant freedom from heavy angst, they light me up from the inside. Simple genius words that remind me what I already know. And easily forget. Most are set to music. Some quietly play from the pages of a book. All penetrate deep when infused by the Living Spirit of God. I forget He is alive. I forget. He. Is. With. Me.

Today’s Words:

(Phil Wickham)
I’m laying down my life
‘Cause I know what You’re worth

and

(Hillsong United)
Though I have not seen Him
My heart knows Him well

and

(also Hillsong United)
All of my life in every season
You are still God, I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Life is full, fortunately of mostly good things. I struggle to make the time for writing my heart, but the biggest problem isn’t the time…it’s that I make it more complicated than it needs to be. So here’s to keeping it simple. And to hopefully sharing a little more often.