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Written on November 19, 2010 by emily

It’s one of those days that the space around my heart feels smaller than normal. Soul claustrophobia if you will. The pressures of life, the disappointments, the yet-to-be-fulfilled hopes all crowding around, wanting attention, shouting with noisy fanfare. I breathe a little deeper on purpose, hoping the extra air in my lungs will dispel the pressure, but it bounces right back into place when I exhale. My eyes have a twinge of a burning feeling, and the waterworks are ready to burst at a moment’s notice. They haven’t yet. Key word is, yet. I’m not especially distraught or discouraged…mostly just tired. Tired of trying to make progress in this area or that and feeling like there is resistance the whole way. Not the kind of resistance that makes you turn around and give up…but the kind of resistance that simultaneously makes you feel like you’re on a noble quest, but you’re not seeing the results you want right in front of you. Like a fish swimming upstream. They’ve got to get there some way, somehow. But I bet those fishes get tired.

Anyway. I don’t mean to whine. Life is really good in so many ways. I just haven’t learned how to let the waves roll over the rocks and smooth them out. Or. I guess the waves are rolling over and smoothing me out, I’m just not smooth yet. I’m really thankful for the people in my life that hold me still and close when I feel all jumbled up. Husband. Thats you. Friends…there are a few of you. Jesus. Oh yes, Jesus. You hold me close and still. Help me stop thrashing about and just listen. I want to listen. Here I am.

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