June 21 – Starting Again

Written on June 21, 2009 by emily

Even when I’m not sure how to let go, I do like that things have an end. Of course, some moments are incredibly moving, and I might wish for a moment that it wouldn’t end, but when I really think about it, I am glad that it does. After all, not every moment is great, and its also nice that the hard moments have an end also. I like the beginning of things…beginning new calendar years and even just a new week. If there wasn’t an end to the year or week before, there would be no starting again. Last week was a good week in many ways. I continued to be relaxed about my June writing challenge (which is something I have to talk myself into, because really, I have those moments that I feel like a dweeb for missing a day or two). But grace seems to be hugging me tight, and I’ve decided there are better things to do with my time and energy than be critical of myself. Also, even though I didn’t quite know what to expect with the challenge to write every day, I’m seeing that even when I don’t have my thoughts together when I sit down to write, its ok to just start somewhere and go. I think in years passed, I edited myself before I could even formulate the thoughts. Just because the words weren’t eloquent, I put the lid on. All this time, I’ve known there is something brewing deep inside that will come out through my writing, but I’ve not been able to go there. It was like some other hand had a hold on my pen, and I was really not free to write what I wished. This blog has provided me a space to uncork the bottle and just start going for it.

June is coming to an end soon. Ok. So there’s more than a week left. But I am always thinking about what the next step is. I think the next step for me will be to withdraw from this public forum and do some intensive writing in a new zone. I may still write some of my randomness and day to day stuff here, but I know I’m reaching a point where the deeper things that have been percolating in me are ready to spring forth. Even though I may not be sharing that stuff for a while, I could use your encouragement.

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