June 9 – Ugly Duckling

Written on June 9, 2009 by emily

I see myself as a simple girl, not especially pretty, but full of compassion and concern for just about anyone who will let me care. I feel much like the ugly duckling, starting out ordinary and different from all the others, but am on my way to becoming a swan. I don’t much care if my ’swan-ness’ is something I ever see in the mirror, but hope that my heart  will one day be fully emptied of self in order to be fully filled by God so that I can accomplish great things on His behalf. When I’m filled with other things, there are great obstacles between what I do and what I wish to do.

Now I know that most of you reading probably won’t accept ‘ugly duckling’ as a way to describe me. I don’t blame you. It is a little more self-depreciating than I mean to be. But I have an affinity for the story of the ugly duckling, and see the ‘ugliness’ less like one might think of something truly ugly, and more like a necessary stage in the process of God making something beautiful. And the best part is, it doesn’t even really matter what you think because this is my story and I can tell it how I want. So I’ll stick with the terminology because it works for me.

In my twenty-six years, I’ve made a number of observations about people and perceptions. To start, people put a lot of effort into hiding their insecurities, and very few people have any grasp on a healthy view of themselves. I guess in some ways, I’m no different. I have many moments when I’d rather be veiled in mystery than to feel bare to the scrutiny of others. It is scary when someone else gets a glimpse inside where all my weirdness lives and multiplies. Yes, I’m weird. But I’d like to think I’m weird in the best way. Unique. Is that better?

I’m too tired to unfold this topic quite like I hoped, but what I really mean to say is, can’t it just be ok to be early in the process of being beautified by Jesus? I am ok with it, because I know He’s just begun, and with all the progress we’ve made together in the few short years I’ve been saying yes to Him, I can’t imagine where we’re going to be ten years of yeses from now.

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